Lost Art of Negotiating THE LOST ART OF NEGOTIATING By Harriet Meyerson in Vitality Magazine, Nov. 2001 Are you frustrated by not getting what you need or want? If you're like most people you probably don't get what you want because you cringe at the thought of confrontation. Others get what they want by being demanding or manipulative, but in the process they damage their relationships. However, there is a better way - "negotiation." Negotiation not only benefits both sides, it also builds trust in your relationships. "The secret to great negotiators is that they are great relationship builders. They truly care about developing long-term relationships and helping the other side succeed," says Linda Swindling, an attorney-mediator known as "Passports to Success." Linda Swindling is Co-author of, "The Consultant's Legal Guide" and author of the audio cassette program titled, "Managing Your Manager...How to Negotiate with Your Boss." Here are eight ways to become an effective negotiator. DON'T THINK WIN - LOSE The loser will have bad feelings and may not live up to his part of the bargain. The good news is that both sides rarely want exactly the same thing, so it's possible for both sides win. To avoid the win-lose mentality, think of partnering with the other side to solve your problem. ALLOW THE OTHER SIDE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE PROCESS Since everyone wants to be involved in decisions that affect them, it is essential to find out what the other side wants. Ask for their opinions and advice. Try to understand their fears and concerns. Walk in their shoes until you understand where they hurt. "Before you meet, think through both the benefits and drawbacks of this deal from the other party's side. For example, if your computer's printer is very slow, and you want your boss to buy you a faster printer, determine why it is in her best interest to do so. The fact that you want one or that it will make your job easier, are not really good reasons. However, if you explain that with a new printer you will be able to accomplish much more of your boss's work, she may go out and buy it that day," recommends Linda Swindling. DON'T BLAME Blaming will only make others defensive. Instead, state your problem without assigning blame. "Our department's ink jet printer is very slow. A laser printer would be much faster, and would help me get your work accomplished twice as fast." EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS "The people in our department feel neglected when all the new equipment goes to the sales department. We realize that the budget is tight, but we are often afraid that our department won't be able to meet some of your important deadlines." " ACKNOWLEDGE EACH OTHERS INTERESTS "Our printer is so slow that last night I had to stay at work until nine P.M. to complete the weekly report. My husband and kids were upset because I wasn't home for dinner. I frequently have to work overtime to work on lengthy reports." "I understand that you often have deadlines that must be met and that you also have to balance a tight budget between all the departments." PRESENT MANY OPTIONS Brainstorm in advance with friends or co-workers so you can come to the negotiating table with many ideas. For example, a laser printer could be leased - allowing your boss to make low monthly payments, or the printer could be paid for out of the company's overtime salary budget, or your company could trade its products or services for a laser printer. OFFER TO HELP Even after coming to an agreement there will be other decisions to make - which printer to buy, where to buy it, and how to pay. Linda Swindling suggests that you "Find ways to make the other side's work easier. You could gather brochures on different printers and copies of advertisements to show your boss where she can buy the printer for the lowest cost. You could offer to pick it up and have the company reimburse you, or offer to submit the proper papers to the purchasing department on your boss's behalf." MAKE THE OTHER SIDE LOOK GOOD "People may have to sell your negotiation to others - their bosses or board of directors before a deal is possible. It's important to give the other side the documentation they need to convince the people they report to that they made a good deal in the negotiation," says Swindling. Negotiation skills do not develop overnight. They take practice. Make a list of things you want and with whom you need to negotiate. Then start negotiating. Why settle for what you have when you can get what you want and need by developing the lost art of negotiation? Linda Swindling, an attorney-mediator known as "Passports to Success." is Co-author of, "The Consultant's Legal Guide" Jossey-Bass Pfeiffer, a Wiley & Sons Company and author of the audio cassette program titled, "Managing Your Manager...How to Negotiate with Your Boss." Contact her at 877-800-5023, Return